Hello, Quarter Life Crisis.

Here I am coming back to my old roots. I tried to stay away and get a life outside the virtual world, but the blogging life seemed more sweeter than reality itself.

Like for starters, I have come to realize that it is a scary world out there. I don't know if it's just me, or if I'm really starting to experience premature quarter life crisis.

They say there are 10 signs that suggest quarter life crisis. And I'm pretty much sure I will score all signs of the dreaded QLC even before I hit the big 25 in a couple of months.

Here goes…

1. You start to daydream about doing something crazy. I don't know if it's just me, but lately I have been itching to go backpacking some place in Europe, or someplace in Asia. I'm also starting to develop an immense hate for my job and my maniacal boss. On somedays, I just want to give up proving I can make it on my own and move back home and follow my parents' desire for me to go to med school. Point is, I just feel this small discontent growing inside of me. I feel stuck and still undecided on what to do with my life. And that sucks, big time.  

2. You feel paralyzed by indecision.  Let's face it, everybody hates the fear of the unknown. Yes, I want to seriously just jump off this ship I'm sailing right now, but there's always that "what if" scenario playing on my mind that's holding me back. I'm always scared that if I go ahead and do something on impulse, hoping for something great to happen, then in the end it doesn't bring me the fulfillment I'm looking for - and I'll be just right back where I started.

3. You feel nostalgic over your high school and college memories.

Lately I just want to revert back to when my life was simple and less complicated. Back when everything was simple to decode and no other shenanigans. I just want to brood over the days when the hardest thing to do was to decide what to wear on weekends for hangouts. I just want to relive the nights when I magically travel from house parties to my snug bed after a night of rad partying with good friends. 

4. Budgeting and money matters terrify the shit out of you.

I have developed a habit of stuffing my bills on the beside cabinet without even checking out their contents. I know it's not a wise move to always impulse buy during mad sales or not count how much I have spent on my make-up stash, but avoiding the dreaded reality of my bills always eases the imminent pain when I open my credit statements. 

5.  You start to think of your dating life indifferently.

OK. I am perfectly single as of present time, and I have been starting to feel irked emotions about dating. I mean, I do have encounters with few decent guys but it always lead to nothing. Mainly because, I always tend to kill the vibe first. I always end up questioning myself whether I really want to stay single for a while or if it is too late for me find someone. Or maybe, I just suck at dating and will end up to be a relationship assassin. 

6. You start to develop a sudden, intense fear of failure.

College seems to be a far, distant universe from where I stand now. I feel like it's too late for me to do a career switch and try new things with relative impunity. Now, I'm all the more scared that failing one time means I’ll continue failing and fuck up my life in some irretrievable way. I feel like I has gone a long way from home and I can't go back anymore.

7. You become bored with your friends.

I used to be the outgoing type back when I was in high school and college. But not anymore. Hanging out with friends seems to become less appealing and starts to become more of a hassle for me. I start to feel alienated from my college friends and and the things I used to do back then. It's like I have developed a preference to being alone, especially on weekends which means I don't have a life outside my work and home at all.

8. You constantly compare yourself to your friends who are your age.

Well, it's always my mom who starts the lay down on the dirt which gets me starting to comparing  myself with my friends. It just kills me every time she has to call and just drop the bomb right at my face. Every phone/Skype/Viber/Tango call would always include that annoying convo that yes, most of my friends are already married and settled. GAAAAAHHHH. It always gets me into thinking about where did I go wrong to end up like this sad, dissatisfied human being.

9.  Your parents compare themselves to you when they were your age.

Hell yeah. My mom is always blabbing about how she was happily married at 21, had me at 22, and with her career kicking off at 24. And how come, I'm 24, still single, unsettled and still earning pennies. Ouch.

10. You feel like your twenties aren’t turning out how you expected they would.

Yes. The final definitive sign of quarter life crisis. I can't just stop thinking about where I am right now, how this isn't what exactly I had in mind when I am 25, or 30. I mean, I may not exactly pictured myself with a significant other, or have landed my dream job, but at least somehow I expected that I should have at least some of my shenanigans together by now. But instead, I have developed the  habit of being a constant disappointment to my self, my parents, and the real world. 

It's just that I have come to realize for the past 24 years that if you put out yourself to the world, the world will end up eating you whole. I feel like I have failed on the prelims of life and it scares me that I won't be able to move on from this pity hole I am right now. 

It's like I need some desperate action to save myself before I go insane from the craziness life has yet to drop in my face. Right now, I just want to be one of those kids who can say they survived the twenty something crisis. 

I just wish I could muster up the courage and confidence to redefine myself soon. I hope to loosen my expectations and find comfort in the fact that I am not alone. Because life is too fucking short to daydream it away wishing I had someone else's.

xx,

Awkward Forever